


Five Times Kirk Came to the Rescue of His Crew (and One Time Where They Rescued Him Right Back)

by Allecto



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-25
Updated: 2013-04-25
Packaged: 2017-12-09 12:33:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/774237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Allecto/pseuds/Allecto
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>five times fic—what it says in the title, basically.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Deep space missions tended to lead to what Starfleet referred to as "quirks" (and what Bones called "batshit insanity") in crew members. After the _Naruda_ and the loss of Vulcan, the _Enterprise_ mostly consisted of crazy people anyway, which was why Jim had no problem authorizing unusual stress relief measures. He even kept a completely straight face while telling Spock that the blanket and pillow fort in rec room 6 was the expression of deep-seated cultural norms and should be accorded all due respect. He was not above keeping a picture of Spock two days later, wearing a ragged, science-blue dressing gown, hair mussed from sleep ("meditation, Captain") and the words "first to sleep, first to die" written across his forehead in permanent marker. To be fair, he kept the picture where no one else could see it, but to be even more fair, that was mostly down to the fact Spock threatened his manhood. The universe couldn't survive the possibility of Jim never having children, he was too awesome to be excised from the gene pool.

All of which was to say, Jim was completely down with relaxing regulations and unconventional means of expression, but there were some limits even he must set, and most of those limits were Pavel Chekov.

It wasn't that Jim didn't get how annoying it must be to be the youngest person on what was admittedly a very young crew. Jim was the youngest captain in the fleet, he got his share of grief from the Brass. And having the entire command staff treat you like a younger brother had to suck—Jim was a younger brother, he knew it sucked. But fully graduated member of Starfleet or not, licensed to carry a phaser or otherwise, Chekov was still _seventeen_. All of the crew were Jim's responsibility, but he'd be damned if he let anyone run roughshod over a teenager, especially one of his. So when Bones told him Chekov had bruises on his wrists and ankles, Jim steeled himself for a very embarrassing talk, and also decided not to use his handcuffs again for a very long time.

"Rule one," Jim said, "sex is awesome. However—" 

"Captain," Chekov said, and really, who interrupted their commanding officer? other than Jim, and Bones, and alright, the entire crew, but Chekov was too young to interrupt, "I am the oldest of 7 children. I do not need the—"

"You should only do what I'm comfortable with," Jim finished.

"Don't you mean what _I'm_ comfortable with?"

"You're seventeen. What you're comfortable doing is a much longer list than I'm comfortable contemplating. In fact, I'm not even comfortable right now, let alone getting into kinky sex."

Chekov muttered something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like "Russia invented kinky sex," but Jim chose to ignore it. "In fact, what I really want is the name of the person who used those handcuffs."

"Captain—"

"No, Ensign." Jim pointed a finger it him. "Name."

"But—"

"Don't make me call Dr. McCoy back here."

"Hikaru," Chekov said, and that made Jim blanch because he _liked Sulu_. He base-jumped off a Romulan-infested _drill_ with Sulu. Sulu _fenced_ in _space_. Still, he was the captain, and Sulu was responsible for the bruises on his littlest crewman, and while he was absolutely not going to think about Sulu and Chekov having hot handcuff sex— _damn it_ —he was absolutely going to explain to Sulu that _some things_ were not allowed even on the crazy ship of slumber parties and botany-lab tree forts.

Which was when Sulu explained LARPing, and how Chekov had been captured while scouting and put in the dungeon, hanging by his limbs, and Scotty was apparently an evil overlord running a dungeon filled with engineering gremlins ("Orcs, Captain") and the Lady Uhura had ordered a rescue and Sulu was a meatshield and Jim didn't even want to know.

"And the worst part is," he told Bones over a bottle or three of bourbon, "I'm only going to have to do the sex talk again. Shut up," he added for good measure.

Bones smiled into his tumbler. "Like you'd have us any other way."


	2. Chapter 2

The mission on Alteira was, like so many missions, supposed to be peaceful. The Alteirans had excised violence from their genetic makeup several centuries ago—not like the Vulcans, who practiced tranquility and logic, but rather _physically excised it_. They had removed the genes entirely. They were also touch-telepaths, and the punishment for random, unexpected violence was to be surrounded by the loving, forgiving touches of the rest of society until the urge to do violence disappeared or the criminal's brain gave up and had a stroke out of sheer self-preservation.

So there was no reason to predict that the landing party would be held hostage by an isolationist faction of anti-genetic engineering guerrilla warriors. Except, as Spock would later point out, that the odds of any mission turning out as peaceful as it was meant to were drastically smaller when the _Enterprise_ was involved. He offered to provide his fascinating calculations, but even whacked out on pain killers Jim didn't find them fascinating, preferring instead to point a finger at Spock (well, at the Spock in the middle, since the other two were slightly blurrier and long experience suggested that meant they weren't the real one) and inform him, "next time someone says everything's bound to go according to plan, I quit."

"I have taken the effect of that phrase, nonsensical as it is, into account."

"I mean it," Jim said. "Even if, even if, even if the plan is to go to a sex planet of sexy times." He thought about it for a minute. "Especially if," he said.

"I believe the subordinate members of the away team would like to apologize to you," Spock said. "I have, of course, informed them that such a response is unnecessary, since I was in charge of the mission and am therefore responsible for—"

"Bullshit," Jim said, and they had been in space long enough that the Spock in the middle no longer raised an eyebrow at the colloquialism.

The one on the right, however, said, "As the ranking crewman on the team—"

"—you ensured the safe return of—"

"—I would hardly call having your leg sliced open—"

"—everyone on your team. I don't count," Jim added smugly. "I'm the hero."

"Captain—"

"My femoral artery was severed when I valiantly saved you from a gang of hostiles intent on your total destruction, the least you can do is call me—"

"—Jim," said the Spock on the left.

"Yes?" Jim said. 

The three of them took a deep breath, squeezed Jim's shoulder.

"Get some rest," they said. "I am reliably informed humans need it on a regular basis, especially when recovering from life-saving operations."

Jim pointed his other finger. "You'd better not be in the brig when I wake up," he ordered. "I didn't rescue you so you could go arrest yourself."

"No," Spock said, "when you wake up I will not be in the brig."

Jim had the sneaking suspicion that didn't mean Spock wouldn't go there _in the mean time_ , but he was too tired to express his righteous indignation at the thought.

"Sleep, Jim," Spock said, and, well, he'd used Jim's first name and everything.

Jim slept.


	3. Chapter 3

"Buying Admiral Archer a new dog isn't going to make up for anything."

"But—"

"No," Jim said.


	4. Chapter 4

Once an earth-year, on Joanna's birthday, Bones' medicinal brandy ceased being medicinal, and became necessary.

The first year they were in the Academy, he went on a bender that made Jim look like a sober, well-adjusted individual, and ended with puke all over their floor and Bones snoring in Jim's bed, wearing one sock, one shoe, and his underpants. By the time they were in deep space, though, he'd toned it down to merely being too drunk to walk straight.

Normally, Jim didn't drink at all anymore. Except for when the crew was being particularly insane, or he had to give Chekov the sex talk _again_ , because apparently Russians invented things even Jim Kirk hadn't tried in bed, or his mother had called, or—the point was, normally Jim was _responsible_ these days. But as a best friend, it was his duty to get rip-roaring wasted when Bones needed him. It was his _responsibility_.

Which didn't explain why he was "as sober as a damned judge, Jim. And where's my whiskey?"

"Scotty needed a sample to compare with what he's absolutely not had aging in wooden casks hidden behind the warp core for the last 12 months."

Bones scowled. Well, Bones always scowled, but he scowled even more. "And you _gave_ it to him? _My_ whiskey?"

"Sure did," Jim said, and, "hey, wait, no hypos!"

"MY WHISKEY!"

"I got you something even better!"

"It had better be good," Bones said, brandishing torturous-looking medical devices. "And it had better be delicious. And it had better get me so damned drunk I can't see straight till morning."

"Well," Jim said. "One out of three isn't bad, right? Kidding, kidding, sort of—look, just wait a second, you should be getting a com-call from Uhura any minute now."

"A what now?"

"I'm your commanding officer—don't snort at me, Bones—it's my job to—and we have negotiations with Klingons in the morning, we need you not hungover, there's no way that's going to go well—and—"

"Bridge to Doctor McCoy, you have an in-coming transmission"

"—oh thank God," Jim muttered.

"I what?" Bones said, and then, when Jocelyn's face appeared on the viewscreen, "what the hell?"

"The party starts in ten minutes," Jocelyn said, "so make it fast. She's coming now."

"I. Thank you," Bones said.

Jim smiled. "You're supposed to say 'Happy Birthday.'"

He waited until Joanna showed up, then wandered down to Engineering.

Just in case.


	5. Chapter 5

"So, this thing— _Pon Farr_ —it could kill you?"

"Irrelevant," Spock said. "I would not force anyone to—"

"Don't be stupid," Jim said.

"I beg your pardon?"

"If you think I'd rather _you die_ than have a weekend full of awesome sex—"

"—it is not that simple—"

"—then you're a bigger idiot than I imagined."

"—Jim—"

"No," Jim said. "You don't get to make that choice."

"It is my choice to make."

"It's _stupid_."

Spock's cheeks, already flushed from elevated hormones, turned even darker. "I will not force myself upon anyone who hasn't chosen to bond with me," he said.

"Of course I'll marry you, is that all that's got your knickers twisted?"

"I. You. What?"

"Me, you, awesome sex. It's practically destiny," Jim said. "I mean, if you ask Chekov strangulation is absolutely a necessity during foreplay and let's just forget I said that, right, and go to the part where an alternate version of us already did this, and also if we join forces we can _totally rule the universe_."

"Marriage," Spock said.

Jim reached out, carefully, and pressed his hand to Spock's cheek. It turned an even darker green beneath his fingers. "Marriage," he said. "And also, awesome sex."


	6. Chapter 6

" _How_ many of them want to stay?" Jim asked.

Pike had that grin on, the shit-eating one that meant he'd managed something everyone else thought impossible, something like getting the son of George Kirk to enlist in Starfleet.

"Everyone who hasn't resigned their commission," he said.

Jim reached for the bottle, because he wasn't actually in charge of the _Enterprise_ yet and therefore was allowed to get drunk enough to ignore The Grin. Besides which—"and Spock?"

"Commander Spock is still considering colonizing New Vulcan."

Jim took a shot. That was the rule—Spock and New Vulcan in the same sentence, everybody drinks. He eyed Pike dubiously, but you probably couldn't insist that your CO who was newly paraplegic and just out of the hospital and still on a shitload of medication had to play a drinking game with you. Probably.

Pike took a shot too.

After that, things were a bit of a blur. And not just an alcohol blur, although it turned out Pike could drink pretty much everyone under the table (stupid hoverchair, keeping him upright), but a blur of meetings and handshakes and supervising refittings of _his ship_ and buying Admiral Archer more beagles than one man could possibly want and tucking Bones into bed after Joanna visited and not hitting on Uhura anymore because she was under his command and refusing to pick a first officer and then—

"Maneuvering thrusters and impulse engines at your command, Sir," Sulu said. 

Next to him, Chekov bit back a smile in a desperate attempt to remain professional. Jim could tell from the way his back shifted, because Jim was _just that good a captain_. "Weapons systems and shields on standby."

Even Uhura was happy, possibly because Jim had broken down and hit on her two days ago, restoring the status quo, but he wasn't taking bets one way or another. That woman was too scary. "Dock control reports ready. Yard Command signaling clear."

Jim pressed a com button on his chair— _his chair_ —"Scotty, how are we?"

"Dilithium chambers at maximum efficiency, Captain."

Bones, who was possibly still hungover from three days ago but Jim was too awesome a friend to put it in a report, even if a responsible captain should have, said, "Same ship, different day."

And she was, she was _his_ ship, _their_ ship, and the only thing that could possibly make this moment any more—

"Permission to come aboard, Captain?"

 _Oh thank GOD_ , Jim thought. ". . . Permission granted."

Spock stepped onto the bridge—the bridge now filled with crew ready to—cutting it a little close there—"As you have yet to select a first officer, respectfully, I would like to submit my candidacy. Should you desire, I can provide character references."

Jim grinned. It might have been the same grin Pike had, but no one could prove anything.

"It would be my honor, Commander. Maneuvering thrusters, Mr. Sulu. Take us out." 

"Aye, Captain," Sulu said, and the world beyond them melted into stars.


End file.
